Long Over Due Update

I haven't written an update in a while for a few reasons...

1) there was a lot going on in my head and in my heart and I wanted to fully process it for myself before sharing.

2) life has been crazy! Between quitting my day job to focus on my business and finishing of my last year of school there hasn't been a lot of extra curricular time.

Last time I wrote, we had written our birth parent letter. Since then a lot has happened! We submitted the letter to the adoption agency and our application needed to be approved by the head person before we could be assigned a social worker. This seemed all well and good, the staff told us that usually takes a couple weeks and then as soon as a social worker becomes available we will be assigned... What they failed to tell us until I called back a month later wondering about our status was that the head person goes on vacation for all of August and even though our application had been approved, no one could take our file (even if they had no work to do) until she was back to physically hand it off to them. When I asked why someone had told me it would be done in late July the lady laughed at me and there was no way it would be done until at least mid September.

I'm all for having a work/life balance and I'm very grateful these programs exist for people in our situation. What didn't appreciate was being lead to believe the process would take about a month when they knew it would take closer to 3. I especially didn't appreciate being laughed at when I was upset and trying very hard to stay calm and treat this lady with respect.

Well, after this I felt very defeated. I felt like I had been lied to, been disrespected, and had no recourse because they were the gate keepers. Kyle and I had always said we would try adoption first and IVF second. While yes, adoption is an option it's not one that we want to continue with at this point.

So we have an exciting announcement! We are going to try IVF with donor eggs and Kyle's sperm!!! We are both over the moon excited to try this option. Many people have asked me why we changed our minds... There is no simple answer and I don't expect everyone to understand but I hope they can accept it. The answer has a few parts...

First, it was never off the table. We always thought we would try adoption first and if that didn't work out or after we had one child we would then look at IVF. We've decided we would like to try IVF first now.

Second, at the time that we started looking at options for growing our family I was not physically or psychologically ready to be pregnant. To be honest I've never really been excited about the whole pregnancy thing and especially birthing. The idea of it has never brought me pleasure. So when we couldn't have 100% biological children it seemed like the natural choice to adopt. The more I healed physically and emotionally the more I thought about it and eventually I decided I wanted to try. I knew I would always wonder if I didn't at least try. If it doesn't work we will deal with that and be happy with the option to adopt but for now trying IVF is something we've become very excited about. Even though birthing still terrifies me, I'm excited to experience it.

Lastly, this gives us the option to have Kyle's biology be part of a child. Although we will be happy with any child that comes into our lives it is something that we are excited about.

Love,

Taya and Kyle

Thank you for all your love and support!!
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