Engaged to be Married!!

We got engaged on January 22, 2014 but people keep asking us how he popped the question, so here it is!

 

As you know from our posts on how we met (his and her's), we both work at the same gymnastics centre. At the time of the proposal I knew Kyle had the ring but had no idea how he would ask. The last thing I was expecting was for him to do it at work. And because I'm so stubborn sometimes it almost didn't happen as he had planned.

Kyle had been planning it for a couple weeks: propose after work one night with a few of our close friends in attendance. Nothing too elaborate, just a few candles, a few friends, simple... Maybe in theory, but not in application.

 

That night Kyle and I had driven into work together. He was off before me though so he went home to make dinner and was supposed to come get me a few hours later when I was done. In typical Kyle fashion, he got distracted and dinner took longer than he thought so he was going to be late picking me up. I didn't think much of it, although I was very tired and wanted to go home pretty badly. I locked up the gym, sat on a mat chatting with some of the coaches and waited for Kyle to come get me.

After half an hour he still wasn't there (or so I thought) and I was starting to get restless. I thought it was kind of strange that some coaches were still hanging around, but then again it wasn't uncommon for us to sit around and chat after work. Two of the girls went upstairs into an office and started talking so loudly we could hear murmurs down stairs which, again, I thought was kind of strange but I brushed it off.

Then out of nowhere my friend (also a coordinator) comes barrelling through the front door. Now, it's important to remember that it's now 930 at night and she is never there that late because she comes in very early in the morning. This totally should've tipped me off but she was so frantic I got distracted trying to help her! She needed to find a sub for the next day and didn't have her laptop... Ok, I tried to get her to look at the schedule we have posted on the main floor but she said no. She needed a file that only I have on my laptop on all the staff... Ok, fine! At this point I think she's being kind of ridiculous but fine lets go up to the office and look quick before Kyle picks me up.

We get upstairs and all hell breaks lose! The girls upstairs had apparently been talking about one their boyfriends. When we get up there one of them is flat out balling her face off talking about how she's not sure about them, they never spend time together, they always fight. It was a bloody disaster zone up there! So we get completely distracted and try to calm her down and comfort her. I don't notice because our office is pretty tight to begin with, but they kind of barricade me into the room. We continue talking about boys for a while and I even offer to have the girl over for a glass of wine that night to continue talking. In the middle of this the other girl randomly gets up and walks out without saying a word, but I just assume she's going to the bathroom or something.

 

Then another coach pops her head into the office and says they need me downstairs. By this point I'm almost at my limit. Kyle is now 45 minutes late, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm putting out fires every time I turn around. I walk out of the office and the main lights are turned off and the boys have music blasting. I think WTF are they doing now?!?!?!... Then it hits me... This is it!!

I slowly walk down towards the music and as I turn the corner I see there is a trail of candles leading the way to Kyle, who's standing there in his singlet (gymnastics outfit for those who don't know what a singlet is)! I always thought I would cry tears of joy at this point, but I just had the biggest grin on my face ever. I walked down to him, taking it all in and as I did I see all our friends popping out from behind mats all over the gym and walking towards where we are going to meet. It was magical and so special. The song being blasted on the stereo turned out to be a song Kyle had written just for me, just for that moment.

When I finally made it to him he got down on one knee and said/did some pretty funny and cute things.

1) He said I'm the best catch since his Kovacs (gymnastics move).

2) He said penguins mate for life. To show who they want to be with the boy penguin searches high and low for the perfect pebble to give the girl penguin he loves. Well Kyle had done just that. He opened the ring box instead of my ring there was a little pebble. (Okay, I'll wait while you grab a tissue and say "Awe!")

3) Then he pulled out the real ring and asked if I would marry him. I said yes (who could say no to all the sweetness?!). We kissed and then...

4) Then Kyle cued the next song and Bubble Butt came on. We danced to it and then turned on the lights and had a tramp party.

5) Best night ever!

In talking to everyone after it seems Kyle wasn't actually late at all. I often go up into my office and answer emails before leaving for the day and that's when they were all going to sneak in and set everything up. Well, that night I was so tired I didn't go upstairs. The girls that first went upstairs were talking so loudly because they were hoping I would come up to see what was going on. When I wouldn't go the other girl that needed a file off my computer decided to try. In the end they didn't need a sub, the girl wasn't having trouble with her boyfriend and it was all a big plan to get me to go upstairs and get out of the way.

So there you have it, the story of our proposal. To everyone that helped, thanks for making my night so amazing!

Love,

Taya and Kyle

Thank you for all your love and support!!
Interested in further supporting our journey? Please visit our GoGetFunding page.

China Gets Knocked Off the List

Kyle loves Chinese everything! He took Tai Chi as a child (and now wants to start teaching it), can speak Cantonese, is going to school for Chinese medicine and loves Chinese culture. When we decided adoption was the route we wanted follow to grow our family, our first thought was of China.

We started looking into how the process works and aside from it being very expensive it is also very confusing. There are papers and home studies and more papers and domestic approval and papers and foreign approval and papers and referrals and more papers. After reading through a dozen sites that outlined the process, we weren't much closer to understanding how it worked and were starting to feel overwhelmed.

We found a site that outlined the approximate costs to adopt from each country, the average wait time and agencies that were accepting new clients. Well, while this website had some great information on it (sorry I didn't save it), this was probably the least fun part about this whole experience so far... China wasn't an option. Dun, dun, dun!

It seemed China had really closed ranks on foreign adoptions lately. This caused the wait times to extend to at least FIVE years! As a result, local agencies didn't have the capacity to hold any additional clients and weren't accepting applicants. So, even if we were okay with waiting that long, we couldn't even get on the waiting lists because those were full and not moving quickly, anytime soon.

To say I lost it at this point might be an understatement... You'll notice most of my posts are pretty happy and positive and that's because with regards to this topic I'm generally really excited to experience the journey and happy I have the opportunity to have a family at all. Once in a while though, I have a mini implosion. That's what happened on this day.

After reading enough to understand there was no way around this road block I shut down. I closed the laptop and became silent, as if we had decided to be done looking for now. I think Kyle could tell a storm was brewing. He asked me if I was okay and the tears started. At first it was just a little trickle, but before the conversation was over I would be flat out bawling my face off.

Emotionally, I felt pretty good through the whole first round with Cynthia. I was a little discouraged when I was hospitalized with an infection, but overall I was happy with how I dealt with it. Going into the second round with Cynthia I battled with quite significant fear and anxiety. Once the surgery was complete it was pretty smooth sailing, emotionally. I don't often get too upset about our situation.

When Kyle first asked if I was ok I tried to say yes and internalize my emotions. I thought if I could rationalize my feelings of disappointment I could deal with it myself and not make him upset. It was just too much though. I couldn't rationalize my way out of feeling disappointed and I needed to release the emotion (which I think is healthy in certain cases, this being one of them) and that release came out in a snotty, crying, yelling mess.

The emotions I was feeling were two-fold. Firstly, I was disappointed. We had immediately thought of China when we first started thinking adoption and it was heartbreakingly disappointing to learn it wasn't really an option that would work for us. As disappointing as it was, we knew there were other options and many children in need that would be a great fit for our family and who we would absolutely adore and that helped us deal with that side of things.

The second part of the emotional struggle hit deeper and was harder to rationalize/find a solution to. This was the creeping inclination that our lives were never going to work out, that every time we turned around life was going to slap us in the face again and we couldn't get away or control it. It was the feeling of complete failure and defeat. After dealing with blow after blow for the last two years, in that moment, I felt broken, as if the proverbial last straw had been hurled at me unceremoniously.

As I worked through this emotional labyrinth with Kyle that night, I realized I was terrified of how I would react at the next road block, because in the adoption process road blocks are inevitable. I didn't know if I could do it, if I could feel this emotional pain multiple times. We talked it through for many hours and a lot of tears and tissues and I refortified my emotional strength. This time though there was a built in softness for a few things. 1) a softness to allow myself to feel frustration or fear or sadness and accept, acknowledge and process those feelings, 2) a softness to allow Kyle to do the same, 3) (and I think most importantly) a softness to experience the process together as a team, enveloped in mutual love and support.

This road block was a breaking point for me that could have gone either way. It could have been the instant I decided I couldn't do it anymore and forced our journey to hit reverse. Thankfully, it was an instant that immeasurably strengthened my relationship with Kyle, my resolve to have a beautiful family and my growing love for my unknown children.


Love,


Taya (and Kyle)

Thank you for all your love and support!!
Interested in further supporting our journey? Please visit our GoGetFunding page.

What is family? - Taya

 

When I first thought about starting this blog, to share the story of our family with you all, I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure how it would be received by all of you out there on the internet. Would people think I was being a martyr looking for attention because of what happened to me? Would anyone be interested in listening to what I have to say? Would people laugh at me for being scared of what the future held or confused with the process? Would they think I was making the wrong choices? The more I thought about it the more I realized it didn't matter. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, including myself. This was what I wanted to do and what I felt was right for me and for my family. I have to say I was so happy with the overwhelming love and support you have all shown us. Thank you for that! Knowing the love and support that is floating around out there is truly inspiring. I hope my future children can one day feel that too.

Now-a-days families come in so many different shapes and sizes it's hard to keep track sometimes. So I thought I would share with you what family means to me, since my family will definitely not be "normal". The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines family as 1) a group of people who are related to each other (I'm assuming this means by blood but it could also mean legally) and 2) a person's children. To be honest, I was kind of expecting a definition with a little more meat to it, but it is what it is. Therefore, I would like to add my own definition to this: 3) a group of people who are tightly bound by love for one another.

To me, family doesn't necessarily have to do with blood or legal relationships. It should go beyond those social constructs and delve into relationships on an emotional level. I have one best friend who I would consider a sister. We love each other like sisters and we also fight like sisters. What makes her more than just a friend is that I know, no matter what happens we will always be there for each other. She was by my side everyday, sometimes all day, when I was in the hospital. She texted me everyday to see what I wanted her to bring me that day whether it be magazines, a blanket, socks or a Wendy's frosty. She even stayed with my mom and waited for me to come out of my second surgery.

She's currently 4 months pregnant and at first I thought that would be really hard to deal with. I mean, hell, I wish I could be 4 months pregnant too!! It actually hasn't been hard at all... I'm so excited to be an auntie nothing else could overshadow that.

I want my adopted children to feel that same connection, love and safety. I want to have a household where they can feel safe to be themselves and cultivate a love for themselves and others. I want to have a special relationship with each of them that fosters strong, confident children. Mostly, I want them to know that, although I don't even know them yet, I already love them more than anything and they can always count on me. In my mind family is more than blood and legal relationships. Its those people that you can count on no matter what. You can fight or disagree and still know that they will never turn their back on you.

Being able to be on this journey is a blessing and I can't wait to experience it, through the ups and downs, the awesome times and the crappy times, the road blocks and the highways. Welcome to the journey of my beautiful family (whatever that might end up looking like)!

What is family to you?? Share with me your thoughts on what makes a family in the comments.

Taya de Baat

PS. I thought I would share with you all that I spent most of my time writing this post crying. Crying from joy, fear, excitement and raw emotion. Tears are a great stress reliever. :-)

Funds Update: July



We thought it would be a nice way to thank you all for following us and being a part of our journey by doing a monthly update. As you know we are raising funds to help with the financial side of foreign adoptiong. We am so happy to report we have raised $200 online as well as $1500 offline and all in only 5 days!! You guys are so amazing and we are so happy our lives are starting to move forward.

Taya and Kyle